I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
