I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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