omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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