Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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