I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
