I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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