i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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