bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He passed out mid-signature
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
