all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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