Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
