either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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