I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
