dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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