i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
