If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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