Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Randomize
