I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
People in love make me want to vomit
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
