Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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