Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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