Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
