I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
