This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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