I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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