im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
