I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
