What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
