Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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