ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
