The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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