From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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