Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
