he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
