did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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