someone threw a dead crab at me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
