Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
