You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
