Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
