it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
