Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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