therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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