i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
