He uses pillows to masturbate.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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