3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
