Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Buhtt sex?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
