Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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