I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
