U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
