and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
