soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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