smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
