the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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