Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
