I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
