did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
